The Value of Chastity Remains — Rationally Christian

Ask any young man today about the value of chastity, and chances are you’ll get the typical, culturally groomed response: it’s dumb. If they elaborate, which they usually do, you’ll get a diatribe describing it as traditional nonsense that has no value in today’s society.

They are partially right. Chastity has no value today among most, and it is a punchline in Hollywood. That’s not surprising coming from a land where there is an actual statue of a casting couch; but it is unfortunate since a major portion of American culture is derived from there. It is not entirely their fault, though. People choose to accept those ideals of their own free will.

Luckily, not everyone takes their morality from Hollywood. There is still a small stronghold of couples that hold true to the old ways. I tip my hat to them. Pulling off God’s command to stay virgins until marriage is no easy task just by itself. The deluge of temptation coupled with the culture’s regular display of contempt for the old ways deeply exacerbate the task, making it nearly impossible. Over time, the barrage’s effects have succeeded in reducing the number of virgin brides to 5% in the 2010’s from 21% observed four decades prior. (I use the data for brides due to the lack of reliable data on grooms)

While Hollywood and the culture at large have succeeded in convincing people that there is no value in chastity, that does not mean that it does not have any. In a good portion of God’s commands, the benefit of avoiding sin is directly tied to its reward. In looking at the comparative data that contrasts marital success & happiness based on the number of sexual partners prior to marriage, we see stability and happiness is by far greater in virgin couples (a fair bit of data on that here). This is best shown by breaking up the 5 year divorce rates by number of sexual partners:

Source: The Institute for Family Studies

Now, it is important to note that while the trend in the data is pretty cut and dried, a primary reason chastity and marital success correlate so strongly is nested within the core reasoning most people choose to be chaste in the first place. Namely, it is their desires to follow God’s word, and God’s word details additional teachings that also benefit marriages and help them succeed. This means that it is often the moral beliefs, and the desire to follow them, that guide the participants to success, not the number of premarital partners.

Now, this seems to refute the whole thesis. After all, if the number of premarital partners has no effect on its own, and it is the commitment to and implementation of Christian teachings that holds the value, then the number of partners is just an arbitrary statistic, and by relation, so is chastity. This also portrays that aside from those who hold the Christian virtues for love and marriage, there is no value in chastity. This is not the case.

Looking at the chart of weekly church attendance of the study group, we see a high degree of religious devotion in virgin brides, as expected, but then a drop below 50% for any data point outside of that. Contrasting that with our divorce rate graph, we should see at least a comparative correlation if religiosity is the driving factor, but we don’t. The effect is out-sized. Specifically, from virgin to one premarital partner we see a 22% decline in religiosity, but a 234% increase in five-year divorce rates. From one to two partners, we see a 2% decline in religiosity, but a 50% rise the 5-year divorce rate. From virgin to two partners, the 5-year divorce rates stands a staggering 5 times higher. There is clearly a stabilizing force within chastity itself beyond its underpinning religiosity.

Now, we do not need to dive too deep into the philosophies of love, sexuality and marriage to see some of the obvious benefits that chaste individuals enjoy. One of the easiest to see is the fact that chaste individuals have already, in an environment completely deprived of sexual indulgence, fended off temptation. That knowledge alone solidifies relationship foundations significantly. Conversely, the knowledge that your partner has had other sexual experiences and other close relationships has a harsh, destabilizing effect. This is especially true if the old lives do not stay buried in the past.

For example, if one person regularly brings up within earshot of their significant other the fond memories of old lovers, insecurity will tend to manifest itself in the listener. Even the strongest of character will wonder if the reason such memories resurface is based on a deep desire to return to an old lover’s arms or an old lifestyle altogether. This insecurity generally manifests itself in forms that the teller identifies as weakness or distrust. This small little detail ultimately gives both of them a reason to push the other away.

Similar problems, often larger and more demanding of attention, abound in non-virgin marriages. This is especially true in relationships where the exes are more than just memories, where children parented with others are involved, and if there has been a history of infidelity in prior relationships. All of which has a high probability of adding distance in the relationship. That distance materializes either directly between the partners, or as ground to cover in the journey towards full trust.

This doesn’t mean that such problems are inherently serious. Nor that virgin marriages are completely devoid of such problems. But, it does mean that as a rule non-virgin marriages will have more to deal with; and they will not have that source of strength that the achievement of staying chaste until marriage provides. It may be too late for the majority of us, but if we want our children to have better, more stable lives, we have to convince the younger generations to wait until they are married. It may prove to be as difficult as staying chaste itself, but it is worth it to try.